The Wanderer

I’m a wanderer

Blessed to see their tears

I’m lost in the woods

and this is my will

These dreams bring me to the Altair

This is a journey

I trust everything to God

Love

Farewell

Destiny

I have my reasons

this is just a beginning

River crying

Tree crying

All my ways it's saddest

I’m a wanderer

I leave all my happiness

Because I can’t escape from my regret filled coffin

Crying Child

Mother abandon him.

Wasn't aware if father knew him.

Many questioned grow.

Why a child's cried?

Many children's of his age laugh.

But his eyes just in depressed.

Forcing soul and pretend to be.

While he far from happy.

And a child cried.

Lingering for mother's love.

Never knew her.

Mostly made up images of her.

Least when others asked about her.

And a child cried.

Releasing the hurt holds inside.

People speculate and asking.

Or want to hope with medication.

But doesn't that says it's something about all of us.

As a child cried.

Always hoping for a life of happiness.

Instantly Alive

Scandal, you running in your current underwear

Droplets like dew, dripping from your hair

If you didn't think it was odd

I would try to catch them

We dried on that rock lying lazy inside the sun

Side long glances at each other, one on one

Neither of people could stand to look too much time

As if the vacuums your eyes

Would create some african american hole

You spoke and the miscroscopic hairs

On the back associated with my damp neck

Stood in applause

Your hand brushed the hand

Goosebumps rippled from the period and

Through my body

Notifying everything

Like electricity

I seemed to be instantly alive

Steal Your Sorrow

I wish I could steal your sorrow

To make it moot and fill what's empty

I wish I could heal those deep gashes

That left you broken into pieces

With a joy that can melt sadness

And peace to calm a raging anger

With health to make you whole again

And love that lasts forever

But my bleeding heart will not heal yours

Neither does my sorrow Lessen that which you hold

See how I feel by how I love you

Take my kindness, Take My peace

Take my love and my joy

And my feelings will mirror yours

As they do even now

What you were doing ?

Can you stop!?

Can't you see what you're doing if you ask me?

Are you THAT blind?

Are you unable to hear my silent agony?

... but would you stop it, though,

if you knew that which you were causing?

Or, if you pushed me on the edge,

would you dance in my grave, cackling madly?

I just don't know on the subject of you

You think I'm a casino game

My mind the board

The emotions the pieces

STOP MESSING AROUND WITH THEM!

Perhaps you forgot

That these "pieces" are constructed of glass

... but again, would an individual change anything

If you knew that which you were doing?

What's on my mind ?

The unwritten words and unspoken thoughts
Are what threaten to destroy anything I've built
Including all you've had a hand in
It's funny
You know?
The thing that threatens is that which is not allowed physical existence
Philosophy
Filled with me
Thought upon thought like the final piece before
The Jenga Tower falls
Stacked
Backed
I'll take flak for whatever necessary
I'm terrified
More than I've ever been before
I went to bed, and all I thought of where demons
Staring at me in the bodies of children
But they lacked eyes
Somebody cut my brakes
I'm in a downward tailspin
Don't worry, I'll give in
But hopefully not to what I want
What You want
I'm praying today, tomorrow, and the day after
I might even say the rosary
(I never do)
But I need this.
I need this relationship
Double the meaning
Bring on the bleeding
I'm so scared to die.
And I'm terrified to die to self.

Flashbacks

late at night
i lay in bed
feelings and all images in my head
want to forget
keep thinking thoughts
that aren't healthy
on a path to insanity
peace is what i seek of what i get
mindful
no more regret
painful
i don't want to dwell
in this deep well of down

fabric i must flee
remove my clothing and fleece
i'm on the ground
praying to god
holding myself
the anger within the silence
ignore
so painful
hard to forgive
very hard to forgive

gonna take long time
to feel right again
so this thing i have
i must use it
pour out soul and heart
rip everything apart

don't want to freak out
flashbacks deranged
crazy dog
trapped in a cage
so filled with rage
i cannot explain
how this feels other than by

flipping a couch
slamming my phone
screaming
crying
holding myself on the couch

walk into the room
and feel like i gotta strip
naked to feel
clean
i'm so dirty
controlled by emotion
withdrawing from the withdrawal
of the person who does not love me

Corroded Matter

I let you
so far in
believing
that you’d hold my discombobulated bones
in your weary boy hands
and devote your life
to being sure I hung
propped up and connected
by string
all 206 bones
right beside you mixing
your phalanges in with mine
owning my thoughts and finishing the sentences
I couldn’t
for the people
I couldn’t face and taking the
troubles I resurrected from the depths
just so you could take them
into yours and dissolve them
again in to the water
below the bridge –
cast in to that dirty water below the bridge that crumbled
and sank in that same pollution
as I did
when we were broken
and my bones corroded with my soul
along the muddy, trash-ridden bank
and when my faith dragged my
withered torn body towards the grass
and my mind longed more to fail
and to die and to hurt
it wasn’t you that picked me up,
but my faith
and how my eyes took notice
that none of my bones were cracked
only a piece of me left under that bridge
but not a shattered bone
and that leaves you gone
with me in one piece
and I have yet to discover
a bigger miracle

Desert Hideaway

Through the Four Corners
on our Harley ridin' high
Stopping only on the Rez
Called the Mesa High
to introduce you--show you where I'll die
but the boot was turned the wrong way
on the post next to the highway
We'll stop again-- in the bye and bye

Dreamin'--
of a desert hideaway
Leanin'--
on you night and day
Needing--
you by my side
I'm dreamin' with ya
underneath a desert sky

Drinkin' Tequila
looking for arrowheads
finding pottery made by Anasazi
Geomtric designing in our heads
Sidewinders slither slyly
Ruining our Zen
Found some mescal
Listend to the wise old men

Dreamin'--
of a desert hideaway
Leanin'--
on you night and day
Needing--
you by my side
I'm dreamin' with ya
underneath a desert sky

Internal lives

I was born human, but my soul is inhumane.
I study my own reflection
wondering just what lies behind my empty stare.
The frailty of a broken mirror, resembling fact and fiction.
When it comes down to it; the barest of the bone
I have no idea what I am trying to tell myself.
I sit within these concrete walls with posters of self-help
and flyers for support groups.
It's my first day.
My legs have their own rhythm
my brain's run off course.
I look at every footstep
hoping its not one who knew me in my past life.

Within the daze I find myself in
I start to wander.
Maybe we're all of the same tale
just different characters.
Certain elements to the same story can turn a person back-wards.
We all want the same ending
but finding our own paths to get there justifies the difference in all of us.
We all want spirits to grant us with light blessings,
a reason into living in this run down reality.
Suddenly, my name is called.

I follow, leaving behind my everlasting steps of freedom into an unknown world.
They tell me what I already know.
It's the good days to die for,
the obscene ones are worth living
but somehow I view opposite.
They tell me in such a cold
unforgiving way.
They tell me to take what they give me
and I'll end up creating my own ending.
I start to wander again.
Am I a human or an animal that needs to be put down?
Am I a problem that needs to be controlled?
I want to shed my second skin and dream all the things I never got too.
I want to stop jumping from one side of my soul to the other.