Flashbacks

late at night
i lay in bed
feelings and all images in my head
want to forget
keep thinking thoughts
that aren't healthy
on a path to insanity
peace is what i seek of what i get
mindful
no more regret
painful
i don't want to dwell
in this deep well of down

fabric i must flee
remove my clothing and fleece
i'm on the ground
praying to god
holding myself
the anger within the silence
ignore
so painful
hard to forgive
very hard to forgive

gonna take long time
to feel right again
so this thing i have
i must use it
pour out soul and heart
rip everything apart

don't want to freak out
flashbacks deranged
crazy dog
trapped in a cage
so filled with rage
i cannot explain
how this feels other than by

flipping a couch
slamming my phone
screaming
crying
holding myself on the couch

walk into the room
and feel like i gotta strip
naked to feel
clean
i'm so dirty
controlled by emotion
withdrawing from the withdrawal
of the person who does not love me